and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
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You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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