Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
