oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
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