a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
