Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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