you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
