Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
