sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
