Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
