I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
