I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
