rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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