And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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