When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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