Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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