Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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