Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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