ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
