please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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