My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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