and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize