i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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