either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
