Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I said "one day" and that day is not today
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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