My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
