Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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