now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
