HIV tests are more positive than that guy
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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