I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
