Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
