Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
