I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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