I think I won the penis lottery.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
