I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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