It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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