well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
