This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
