So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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