I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
