Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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