My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
