Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
