But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
