Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize