Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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