Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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