How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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