I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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