ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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