Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
