I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
