dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
