Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
