you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
