scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
