She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
