my mouth tastes like poor choices
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
