Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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