i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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