STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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