The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
