can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
