tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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