I saw his package. It spoke to me.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
