Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
