yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
