Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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