Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
