I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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