She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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