I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
