It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
