buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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