and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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