my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
