Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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