Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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