I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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