You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
