That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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