Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
