I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Holy shit dude........stairs
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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