If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you will always have a special place in my vag
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
