i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
