I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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