3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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