I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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